


The Shield and the Sword

by klconley85



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, no regrets - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Banter, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotions, Flashbacks, Headcanon, Heart-to-Heart, Illnesses, No Sex, No Smut, Party, Post-Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Sarcasm, Sarcastic Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-11-15 18:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18078698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klconley85/pseuds/klconley85
Summary: Winter, late 845, a party in the Capital. Spirits are high, wine is flowing freely...and the Survey Corps' most recently promoted squad member, Captain Levi, is most definitely not himself. When Erwin Smith notices and takes him aside, equal parts snark and feels ensue.Based on my headcanon of the growth process by which Erwin and Levi go from their initial mutual understanding at the end of 'No Regrets' to establishing the deep bond we see in 'Attack on Titan'.**Note 31/8: Sorry for the recent radio silence, folks...school commitments and a rough period of mental health left me without a lot of time or motivation for creative writing recently, but I'm getting myself back in the frame of mind for it now and I still have 1-2 chapters left planned before the fic is complete. I'm looking forward to getting back to the worst dinner party ever and sharing some more Erwin/Levi content with you :)





	1. The One Where Levi is Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I don't own any of the characters, etc. associated with Attack on Titan, and the dialogue from AoT and No Regrets from Ch 2 involves direct quoting of the English translations. Curious (if nervous) for feedback, as this is my first AoT fanfic....will probably be around 3-4 chapters at completion? Thanks for reading! :)

Winter, late 845, the Capital (Household of Duke Stütz)

 

 

            Nodding along absently to the conversation at his table, Commander Erwin Smith allowed his gaze to sweep the room around him. A few feet away, Garrison Commander Pixis’ eyes twinkled with mischief as he chuckled and took a long pull from his hip flask. Whatever he had just said elicited a mixed response: the officer next to him put her hands on her hips, and the soldiers sitting across from them exchanged nervous glances, uncertain whether or not to laugh. A bit farther away, Mike was sniffing a thoroughly disconcerted-looking MP. Erwin suppressed a smile; Mike’s instincts as soldier were excellent, but his social graces were another matter. And across the room, standing in a shadowed nook, was…

            ‘—was so much lighter than I expected! It was like kicking a child’s rubber ball even though it was the size of a horse!’ Erwin blinked, pulled back to the table momentarily by the sound of Hange’s voice. Gesticulating wildly, Hange nearly upset her flagon of beer as she enthusiastically described her Titan encounter from the previous day. Her plate of meat—the first the Survey Corps had had in nearly a year—sat untouched. Realising at last that the Commander’s attention was divided, the squad leader stopped abruptly and followed Erwin’s gaze to a far corner where Captain Levi stood alone, glowering around at the other partygoers over his glass of wine. Hange frowned and lowered her voice. ‘He doesn’t seem to be doing too well, does he?’ she asked bracingly. She nodded her head in the captain’s direction and made a surreptitious gesture as if tilting a bottle.

            Erwin considered Levi carefully, weighing Hange’s words. Sure enough, like most people in the room, the Captain’s sallow face was flushed and his balance slightly unsteady. But Levi was not like the other people in the room, the Commander reminded himself. After several years in the Survey Corps, Erwin had seen the range of ways in which soldiers processed their experiences after returning from an expedition. Turning to drink was a common response: some people would wax giddy, buoyed by celebratory ale and the sheer absurdity of their own survival; others would sit somberly with friends, eyes red-rimmed as they succumbed to grief and exhaustion. Levi did neither. If anything, the more strain the Captain faced, the more rigidly he held himself in check until he could withdraw.

            Erwin suddenly recalled a scene from the previous evening, only hours after the Corps had returned from its latest mission. Walking back from his office after a long night of visiting the wounded, taking a supply inventory, and preparing his reports for Zackly, the Commander had been surprised to see a light on in the showers; he had thought he was the only one left awake. Popping his head through the doorway, he had seen Levi in a far stall, washing with what appeared to be every ounce of his considerable strength. The dark-haired man scrubbed furiously, long after the Titan blood had evaporated and every trace of mud had trickled down the drain; he raked at his skin with his fingernails, leaving angry red tracks as he attacked stains only he could see. Levi had been completely absorbed in his task and took no notice of the Commander, who had left without comment. Yes, Erwin thought, the captain was hurting. Still, for Levi to lose command of himself tonight in sight of the entire Corps was entirely out of character.

            But there was something else off here, too, Erwin decided. The captain moved neither with his usual sweeping grace nor with the languid sloppiness of inebriation; his jaw was clenched tightly, and his glass shook in his hand. As Erwin watched, Levi stumbled slightly. When the captain looked up again, his eyes met the Commander’s for a split second before he turned hurriedly away.

            Erwin rose from his seat. ‘Hange, I need to make a few rounds. Would you keep an eye on things here until I return?’

            ‘Sure thing, Commander.’ Hange’s voice was still solemn, but Erwin saw her face brighten as an unsuspecting recruit joined the table. By the time he was out of earshot, the squad leader’s hands were flying once more.

 

 

* * *

 

            This wine, Levi decided, was either very good or very bad. It certainly tasted better than the usual horse piss the Survey Corps got, but only halfway through his second glass he already felt warm and fuzzy-headed. If this was what was regularly served in the Capital, it was no wonder the MPs were so damn useless all the time. Out of habit, he turned to share this observation with his teammate.

            ‘Oi, Alec—‘ Levi cut himself off with a sharp intake of breath. He was greeted by a stretch of empty wall. _Oh. Right._

            In practical terms, the Corps’ most recent mission had been a success. The supply route was coming along nicely, and the overall survival rate had been higher than usual--which was how they had all landed in this circus, eating and drinking with Garrison soldiers and MPs at some hotshot noble’s house before the strategy meeting with Zackly, the branch commanders, and the Survey Corps squad leaders the next day. According to Commander Smith, the Corps was still in a precarious position and needed to give as strong a public showing as possible. The recent fall of Wall Maria had helped build the case for expeditions beyond the walls, but the Scouts needed to spin every achievement they could as a win in order to secure more support.

            Fine. They could force Levi to come to this farce of a victory dinner, but they couldn’t force him to be happy about it. If he had to be there, he was going to stay in the corner where he didn’t have to watch people gawking at him, didn’t have to hear that stupid new nickname they’d coined: Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Yesterday, that label hadn’t meant shit. The Scouts had encountered a cluster of Titans on their return trip to the Wall, and the Special Operations team—Levi’s team—had incurred heavy losses while protecting the centre of the formation; only he and Eld had survived. After fighting an Abnormal, Levi had made it back to the centre just in time to see Riordan, the newest recruit, miscalculate a landing and be crushed in a Titan’s hand—how many times had Levi warned that idiot to find the anchor point with his eye before pulling the trigger on his ODM gear? Levi handily dispatched the Titan in question and directed his attention to the three 12-metre bastards that blocked their path. A few moments later, he heard a wet crunch and Frithin’s screams behind him; by the time he felled the remaining Titans and rushed to Frithin’s side, she was already bleeding out. Past the point of sensing pain, she’d reached for Levi’s hand, a sad smile on her face.

            It would have been easier if she’d cried.

            In a way, Levi reflected as he returned to his initial thought, Alec had actually been the simplest: he had been swallowed whole. Nothing left to say goodbye to.

            The Captain’s first team—trained for months and torn to bits within minutes.

            _No, not your first_ , a small voice said as Furlan and Isabel’s faces flashed briefly in Levi’s mind. He scowled, draining his glass and willing the images away. Why was he thinking of _them_ right now? At any rate, he didn’t feel like Humanity’s Strongest at the moment. In fact, he thought as he rubbed his eyes and lurched slightly, he felt distinctly like he was about to fall over. His temples were beginning to throb. Geezus, what was _in_ this wine?

            Lowering his hand, Levi found himself looking directly at the Commander across the room—and the Commander was looking right back. Levi groaned inwardly as he saw Smith stand and push in his chair. _Shit_. He’d noticed. Of course he had; the man noticed everything. It was one of the reasons Levi admired the Commander, although he’d be caught dead before anyone heard him say so aloud. Levi struggled to push thoughts of his team aside and pull himself up straight as the Commander strode toward him. _Of all the times…get it together, you damn lightweight_.

            Smith was at his side within seconds.

            ‘Levi, I have a couple of details for tomorrow that I’d like to discuss with you. I think it would be best if we talked them over immediately. Would you join me in the library?’ The Commander’s tone was neutral, his face impassive. Levi nodded curtly and followed Smith out of the room into an empty corridor. A few paces down, the Commander opened a door and motioned for Levi to enter. Even by the dim light of the candles Levi could tell that the space was richly furnished—certainly more so than the grey stone dining hall where everyone else was currently celebrating. Three of the walls were covered floor-to-ceiling with mahogany bookcases, each filled with leather-bound volumes. The far wall was painted a deep teal, punctuated halfway down by a window lined with damask curtains. A few feet away, a claret-coloured velour couch and matching wingback chair stood in the centre of the room. An end table nearby held a stone ewer and basin along with two matching cups. All in all, Levi thought, the room dripped with the poisonous excess typical of the Capital. Still, he conceded, there were worse places to be reprimanded.

            Smith frowned as Levi brushed by him and walked through the doorway. Levi pretended not to notice. ‘I thought tonight was supposed to be all about mingling,’ he said levelly, stepping aside to make room for Smith. ‘Is something wrong?’

            The Commander pierced him with his shrewd blue gaze. ‘I could ask you the same thing. Anything you’d like to share?’

            ‘Huh? No, I’m fine.’

            Three steps later, Levi felt his knees buckle beneath him. _Smooth move, moron_ , he thought to himself dully as he staggered into the wall. _Really convincing._ However, he didn’t have long to dwell on the matter before a new, more urgent one arose. Recognising the horrible jolt, Levi flung an arm to push the Commander out of the way with only a fraction of a second to spare before he pitched onto all fours and was violently sick on an Oriental rug. When he looked up, he found the Commander with one knee on the floor, eyes level with his own.

            ‘Levi.’

            ‘I’m fine’, Levi repeated automatically. The Commander snorted, an uncharacteristically coarse sound, and raised a thick eyebrow skeptically. ‘What, this?’ Levi’s tone was casual, but he carefully avoided looking at the spot next to him as he fought another wave of rising bile. ‘This is just just my natural reaction to being around the bastards from the Capital. Surprised it doesn’t happen to more of us, really.’

            The Commander’s expression didn’t change.

            ‘You have vomit on your cravat.’

            Levi glanced down and swore under his breath, mortification mingling with disgust. He knew a lost cause when he saw one, and quite frankly he couldn’t blame Smith for being annoyed; he doubted that having his Special Ops Squad Leader too pissed to stand up straight was the impression the Commander had hoped to make at this party. Still, maybe it was possible that Smith’s lecture could at least wait until morning, when the circumstances were…well…not this.

            The captain sighed. ‘You’re right. Sorry.’ He began to untuck the cravat with one hand and waved the other vaguely in Erwin’s direction as if to send send him on his way. ‘You go ahead, I’ll sober up and head back out in a few minutes.’

            ‘What?’ the Commander asked sharply.

            _Ah…so that’s a no, then_. Levi looked up, bracing himself for the worst, but stopped short at the look on Smith’s face. To his surprise it was a curious mixture of exasperation, concern, and amusement.

            ‘’Sober up’? I don’t think you’re drunk, Levi.’ Smith’s lips tightened. ‘You do, however, appear to be quite ill.’

            Levi furrowed his brow in confusion. ‘No, but I was…the wine…’ he protested. ‘…Are you sure?’ he finished lamely.

            ‘Yes. First of all, you’re giving off as much heat as a Titan.’ Although the Commander’s tone was crisp, the corner of his mouth twitched. ‘But the sure giveaway was what you just said. In the time I’ve known you, Levi, we’ve shared a fair few drinks. You have never once, then or otherwise, shown the slightest inclination to tell me I was right about anything. And I doubt you’ve ever apologized to _anyone_ , period. Clearly you’re not yourself.’ His mouth twitched again. ‘I suppose the collapsing was a helpful clue, too.’

            ‘Hmph. Too bad,’ Levi grumbled irritably, feeling the colour rise in his cheeks. ‘At this rate, being drunk might’ve been more dignified.’ He opened his mouth to say more, but the words were lost as he doubled over in another bout of retching. The Commander waited patiently for the moment to pass, apparently unfazed by the indelicate noises coming from the crumpled form next to him.

            ‘Better? Smith asked once Levi’s heaving had subsided. The captain’s face was hidden by his hair, but Erwin saw him nod. ‘Good. Then come lie down here,’ he ordered, standing and gesturing to the couch a few feet away. ‘Would you like any help?’ Levi shook his head defiantly, made his way to the couch, and carefully removed his shoes before easing gingerly back onto the cushions. The Commander fought the urge to laugh: even when he could barely manage to walk, the captain was as hardheaded as ever _._  

            Once Levi was settled, Erwin strode toward the door. ‘Right,’ he announced. ‘I’m getting a doctor. I’ll be back shortly.’

            ‘The hell you will,’ came Levi’s voice from behind him. ‘Go back to the party. The whole point of this stupid spectacle was to show off your victory, wasn’t it?’

            ‘ _Our_ victory,’ Erwin reminded him gently. ‘The entire Survey Corps was responsible for the expedition’s success, Levi.’

            ‘Tch.’

            Erwin turned back and studied the captain for a moment by the moonlight streaming through the window. The pulse in Levi’s neck still beat rapidly, but his voice sounded stronger than it had a moment ago and the renewed use of profanity was a promising sign. Erwin walked back toward the table, where he poured water from the pitcher into one of the cups. He pushed it under Levi’s nose and set the basin on the floor by his head. ‘Drink this. I’m coming to check on you in an hour. If you haven’t improved by then, I’m calling someone.’

            ‘ _Go_.’

            This time, Erwin did.

 

           


	2. Fever Dreams

As soon as the door clicked shut behind the Commander, Levi raised the stone cup to his lips and drank greedily, eager to alleviate the residual burning sensation at the back of this throat. He drained the cup and set it gently on the floor, groaning softly as he settled back onto the cushions and cast another look around the library. Sure, he hadn’t wanted to spend the evening schmoozing with the Capital cronies or answering stupid questions, but being stuck in a room surrounded by the stink of his own vomit wasn’t exactly the alternative he had envisioned. The stench reminded him of the back alleys of the Underground, dragged up hazy images that he couldn’t quite name but knew he didn’t want to revisit. Levi put a hand over his face; every heartbeat throbbed behind his eyes. He willed himself to take deep breaths. Slowly, ever so slowly, the pain in his head faded, along with the very room around him, until it was gone altogether.

 

            ‘Shhh…it’s okay. Are you all done for now?’

            Levi nodded as his mother moved one hand in strong, reassuring circles across his back. With the other, she lifted the sick-basin from his lap and set it on the rickety bedside table; Levi tried to ignore the dull slopping sound. It was the middle of the night, but raucous laughter and singing still filtered under the doorway from the bar downstairs, and a rhythmic thumping sounded through the adjoining wall. Levi wiped his eyes, which were still streaming from effort, and looked up into his mother’s face. Her braid was disheveled, and the hollows in her cheeks were deeper than he remembered—she had only just gotten over one of her own recurring fevers a couple of weeks prior—but her smile was gentle. ‘Three times in one night…you poor thing. Why don’t you try to get some sleep now, and tomorrow we can have a lazy day in bed while you get better. How does that sound?’

            Levi frowned. ‘But Mama, you need the bed for work tomorrow.’ He squared his narrow shoulders. ‘It’s alright. I’ll be fine in the morning. I promise.’

            A fleeting shadow crossed his mother’s face at Levi’s words, but a second later it was gone and she rumpled his hair affectionately. ‘No, work can wait for a day,’ she insisted. ‘Tomorrow is just for us.’ She leaned in and flashed a conspiratorial grin. ‘We can do shadow animals. Even Mr. Squirrel.’

            Levi considered; he did like when they did shadow animals. In the flickering light of their small room, his mother would tell stories about all the different creatures she made with her hands: which ones were friends, which ones bickered and tricked one another. Mr. Squirrel was Levi’s favourite—he couldn’t fly, but he could climb from tree to tree all day without getting tired. If they ever made it to the surface, Levi decided, he was going to find a squirrel.

            ‘Okay,’ he agreed finally. ‘Shadow animals and a lazy day.’ Already he felt his eyelids beginning to droop; they were closed by the time his mother blew out the candle a few minutes later. He heard her soft footsteps pad across the wooden floor and felt the thin mattress sink under her weight as she curled around him. The thumping next door had turned to low moans, and there was the sound of a bottle breaking farther off, but Levi felt warm and safe. ‘Thank you, Mama.’

            When Levi awoke the next morning, the sick-basin was empty and there was a steaming mug of tea next to the bed for him. He sipped it carefully; his body still shook with the occasional chill, but the soothing liquid warmed him from the inside out. As promised, his mother did shadow animals for hours on end; Levi cheered aloud when the rabbit escaped the fox. By the end of the day he had even managed to eat a bit of soup, but he refused the bread his mother offered. She hadn’t had as many customers recently, so there had been no money left over from rent last week to buy food. The small closet shelf they used as a pantry was nearly bare, and there was no telling how soon it would be full again.

            Levi slept soundly throughout the afternoon and evening, but once again he woke in the middle of the night. This time it took him a moment to register why: the bed next to him was empty. In the corner of the room, the light from a small oil lamp revealed his mother kneeling over the sick-basin, trying to muffle her coughing and spluttering with one hand while she held her hair back with the other.

            ‘Mama!’ Levi leapt from bed and hurried to his mother’s side. ‘What’s wrong?’

            His mother managed a small smile. ‘Sorry to wake you,’ she said. ‘Looks like I’ve caught the same thing you have.’ She looked him up and down, placing a palm on her son’s forehead to check for any lingering fever. ‘How are _you_ feeling?’

            Levi ignored her question. ‘I…made you get sick again?’

            His mother shook her head and pushed Levi’s hair out of his eyes. ‘No, no, of course not. It’s sickness that makes us sick. We just happened to share this one, that’s all.’ Seeing that her son was unconvinced, she added, ‘Don’t worry…it just happens that way sometimes. Especially down here, where it’s so hard to keep things clean.’ She grimaced, waving her arm around the room in illustration.

            Levi still looked doubtful, but after a moment he nodded and held out his hands. ‘Okay. Well, I’m all better now, so I’ll take care of you this time.’

            His mother laughed at the stubborn set of her son’s small jaw. ‘Okay,’ she agreed, lacing her fingers through his and pushing herself to her feet. ‘I can see I’m in good hands. Let’s get back to bed.’

            As promised, Levi did all the same things his mother had done for him: he rubbed his hand in circles on her back as she hugged the basin; he held her hair out of her face, dabbing her forehead with a wet cloth; he offered her tea, soup, and bread, forgoing meals himself so that she would have enough. But whereas Levi had recovered virtually overnight, the illness lingered for his mother. It wasn’t like her usual fevers, either. She ate but gained no strength; she rested during the day but was wracked with chills each night. After a few days the landlord checked in, wondering why there was yet another stretch of days with no customers to the room. He was sympathetic, but he, too was unable to offer help; it was difficult to find medicine or healers in the Underground at the best of times, and these were not the best of times.

            The morning after the food ran out, Levi roused himself to make tea for the two of them, determined to keep doing what he could. The drink wouldn’t fill their bellies, but it would at least help alleviate their hunger. When he turned to tell his mother that he was fetching water, however, he found her cold and limp in the bed. No matter how loudly Levi yelled, she did not wake.

            Levi didn’t know how long he cried after that; in the dark, stifling room, it could have been minutes or hours. When his tears were finally spent, he walked to the opposite wall and sat, numb, hugging his knees. His strength was entirely gone. He registered dimly that it had been nearly a week since he’d eaten anything, and even longer since he had gotten a full night’s sleep. He didn’t know if he could move again. He didn’t know if he wanted to.

            Some time later, he became aware that a stranger had entered the room. Light spilled from the doorway, and a gravelly voice emerged from the tall figure standing next to the bed.

            ‘Seems like you’ve lost a lot of weight, Kuchel.’ Levi had never heard the name Kuchel before, but he couldn’t think of who the man might be referring to other than his mother. He raised his head.

            ‘She’s dead.’

            He wanted to say more: how he had shared his sickness without meaning to. How he had tried to help her get better. How very tired he was. Somehow, he couldn’t find the words. He struggled to focus; the stranger was speaking directly to him now.

            ‘Can you understand me? What’s your name?’

            Summoning the last of his strength, he met the man’s eyes.

            ‘It’s Levi. Just Levi.’

 

            The brothel, like the library before it, faded from view. A different memory now, from just three months ago. Levi walked down a quiet hallway, his sense of trepidation mounting as he approached Erwin Smith’s office. Despite the warm, late afternoon sunlight that dappled the floorboards, he couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that this was not going to be good.

            It wasn’t that the prospect of seeing Smith was unpleasant, exactly. At the very least, it wasn’t as awkward as their encounters had been back when Levi was planning to murder him. Following Squad Leader Flagon’s death on that disastrous day beyond the walls nine months ago, Levi had been reassigned to Erwin Smith’s squad and had been serving under him ever since. Working and fighting directly alongside Smith had given Levi a new appreciation for the man: he was confident, cunning, and crazy as hell. However, the last two weeks had wrought changes within the Survey Corps and across the entire realm of humanity: Titans had breached Wall Maria, leaving thousands dead and displacing tens of thousands more refugees. In the midst of all this, yet another casualty-heavy scouting mission had led Commander Keith Shadis to resign in disgrace and appoint Erwin Smith as his replacement. As far as Levi knew, his former squad leader had spent nearly all his time over the last ten days either in meetings with other high-ranking officials or alone in his office planning the next expedition. What intrigued Levi—and what made him nervous—was why on earth the new Commander would request a private appointment with him when he had so many other pressing matters to attend to.

            The door to Smith’s office was ajar, but Levi knocked all the same, feeling uncharacteristically shy as the Commander called him in. _Calm down already,_ he told himself as he slipped through the doorway. _You’ve worked with this guy for nearly a year. No need to shit yourself just because he sits behind a bigger desk now_. Levi crossed the room and leaned against the wall, glancing around the office as the Commander took his seat. The space betrayed none of the chaos that had befallen the Corps over the past weeks; it was as immaculately kept as the Commander himself.

            ‘Levi,’ Smith began at last, ‘Thank you for coming. It’s good to see you. Tea?’ He gestured to a cart in the corner.

            ‘I wasn’t under the impression that this was a social call.’ Levi searched the Smith’s face for some clue behind the reason for the meeting. He was clean-shaven and straight-backed as usual, but there were faint purple smudges under his eyes. As Levi watched, the Commander smiled.

            ‘Straight to the point as usual, I see. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t take long. First, I wanted to congratulate you on a job well done during this last expedition. Your fighting was truly exceptional.’

            Levi continued to regard the Commander warily. From his first day with the Survey Corps, the small, lithe soldier had impressed his peers and superiors alike. It wasn’t simply his strength, or his speed, or even his skill with ODM gear that set him apart. Levi couldn’t explain it himself, but he felt the truth sing through his bones every time he engaged in battle: _he was born to kill Titans_. On the most recent expedition the Commander was referring to now, Levi had once again broken his own record for Titan kills. Smith did not withhold praise where it was due, but as a squad leader he had always congratulated his team members more informally, and often right after immediate danger had passed; such a compliment hardly warranted a one-on-one meeting now, and it certainly didn’t explain the enigmatic smile on the Commander’s face. Best to proceed with caution.

            ‘I just did what I always do,’ Levi replied carefully.

            To his surprise, the Commander chuckled. ‘Yes,’ he replied, ‘I suppose you did. Which is the other reason I’ve called you here this afternoon.’ He paused, staring intently over steepled fingers. ‘Levi, I would like to promote you to squad leader. It’s time you had your own team.’

            For a moment, the office was completely silent. As the Commander’s words sank in, Levi felt a warning staccato beat strike up in his chest: _No. No. No. No. No. No. No._

            ‘Surely you can’t be serious.’ He was pleased to hear that his voice, at least, sounded calm.

            ‘No?’ Smith raised his eyebrows, but his voice held no trace of surprise, only a polite curiosity. He gazed at Levi intently, waiting for him to elaborate. Clearly, this was the response he had been expecting.

            ‘In case you haven’t noticed, pep talks and people skills aren’t exactly my thing,’ Levi muttered. He stared determinedly at the floor, digging at a scuff mark with his boot. ‘I…don’t really work well with others.’

            Another pause from the Commander. Then, with feigned casualness:

            ‘You worked well enough with Furlan Church and Isabel Magnolia.’

            Levi’s head snapped up. He wheeled toward Smith furiously, clenching his fists at his sides. In all the time that they had worked together, neither of them had discussed Furlan and Isabel or the day of their deaths. Hearing their names now, without warning, was like a punch to the gut. The beat in Levi’s chest picked up speed: _nonononono._ Levi glanced at the Commander. Was Smith testing him somehow, or did he simply not care about the effect his words had? Either way, getting upset wasn’t going to help his case. Levi took a steadying breath. ‘I—never—asked—them—to follow me,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘They just…happened.’

            Smith nodded earnestly, leaning forward over the desk. ‘Precisely. They gravitated toward you and your leadership naturally. As I’m sure you’re aware, there are many in the Survey Corps today who do the same.’

            ‘Look, if you’re talking about Four-Eyes—‘

            ‘Hange will also be getting her own team,’ Erwin interjected smoothly. ‘My intention is for each of you to select the individuals who will work with you and to teach them what you know as well as leading them in combat.’

            Levi was running out of patience, and the panic in his chest had reached a fever pitch. Why couldn’t Smith understand that putting more people under Levi’s care was the most dangerous thing he could do? ‘Commander,’ Levi said shortly, ‘Trust me. I can do more for the Survey Corps when I focus on Titans, not humans.’

            Smith was still not to be dissuaded. ‘Is that so?’ The Commander asked. ‘And what about Eld Jinn, then? If I’m not mistaken, you spent a good amount of time helping him with strategy and technique throughout the last expedition, and his showing in the formation reflected it. He stayed more focused, and he performed several more kill-assists than anyone expected.’

            ‘I didn’t _create_ that strategy,’ Levi objected. ‘I was just repeating information. Besides, I didn’t do it to help him. I just didn’t want to have to slow down or go back for him if he screwed up.’

            ‘I see.’ Erwin unclasped his hands. ‘So you _would_ have gone back for him, then. That sounds remarkably like ‘focusing on humans’ to me.’ Hearing the note of triumph in Smith’s voice, Levi wanted to kick himself; he had played right into the Commander’s hands, and they both knew it. The assignment had never been up for debate at all.

            Satisfied that he had won the argument once and for all, Smith switched to logistics. ‘There will be a meeting in here tomorrow morning at 8am for all new squad leaders. You are welcome to voice any additional questions or concerns you have then.’ The Commander hesitated, and his face softened. ‘This isn’t a punishment, Levi. It’s a matter of doing what it takes to preserve humanity. Now more than ever, we need the Survey Corps’ best, and that includes you.’

            Levi nodded jerkily, not trusting himself to speak; the only words that came to mind were four letters long. Turning on his heel, he stormed out of the door and down the hallway, nearly knocking over a newly-arrived Hange in the process. She waved and said something in greeting, but Levi did not hear what it was as he brushed past her; the warmth of the building had given way to a smothering cold that pressed in on all sides, and the only sound left in his head was a final, strangled _No._

 

Until--

            ‘ _LEVI!!_ ’

 


End file.
